I did a scene in my acting class last night. It’s an on camera class so each time I have a minor freakout about how my hair looks on the screen and whether my voice really sounds like that. It does but I pretend it doesn’t. One day I’ll have a voice that sounds older than a seven year old girls and one day I’ll get used to on camera acting. Which is part of the reason why I chose the on camera class. It went well, I got compliments from the instructor but it wasn’t good enough for me. I can’t keep any amount of space clean for a day but when I’m performing I guess my perfectionist streak comes out. Overall, I love the class and am happy to be in it. I feel so energized during and after the class.
Today, I’ve been working on some writing. I’m more comfortable with creative writing so I don’t worry about it being perfect because I have confidence in my abilities. I can’t edit but I love writing other than that. But I realized I have two stories where someone gets attacked at a dinner table. Which has led me to researching the easiest common household knife to stab someone with. I hope no one is secretly checking my internet records.
Now, I have no plans but to relax on the couch and watch my Tuesday night TV shows, starting with Glee. I think the quality has gone down since the beginning but as long as Brittany and Santana are on the show then I’m watching it.
I’ve never been much of a Thanksgiving person. One of my cousins has her birthday on or right around it so no one else ever really is as excited as her; she turned every turkey day into Lindsey Day instead. Plus, I’ve never really liked turkey, and now I don’t eat meat so I get most of my Thanksgiving feast from the snack table and french silk pie. Of course, the concept of appreciating what you have is always a good one, something I succeed and fail at in equal measures throughout the year.
This year, my friends were excited to throw Thanksgiving parties at their own places and have “grown up” parties. This meant making our own food, dressing up a bit, and marveling at how we’d somehow become something resembling adults. Okay, I went to the store and bought pumpkin bread. Another girl spent the day trying to get a hold of her mother to ask her the how the hell to make a turkey, but it worked out. With the fancy china and the table cloth, you couldn’t really tell we were eating on a beer pong table. Half of us sat in folding chairs, while one of us was on chest drawer. But we all got together and shared a meal and conversation so I don’t know if it was grown up but that’s enough for me.
My other Thanksgiving party wasn’t as grown up. My best friend transitions between a young adult who dresses professionally and has a full time job and a girl who never wants to leave her college years behind her. For our get together, she was the latter. She made what she referred to as safari water, or jungle juice. This would probably be where I got the biggest reminder this year to just be thankful for what I have. Not because I drank so much I was lucky to be alive, but because of a slightly drunken chat I had with her while sprawled out on the floor, one of our friends passed out between us. I’ve known Megan since grade school. She’s outspoken and hot tempered and emotional where I’m the opposite. Despite that, we have similar ideals. We both got the same degree and we’ve always gotten along easily. I make her laugh and she helps me brave when I’m afraid to. She got a job with the same company she had an internship with and now she’s making money, has gotten a raise, is basically doing all those things I thought I should be doing after college. There are times I find myself thinking should I just be like that, should I get an administrative job somewhere and just live a stable life? Well as we’re discussing my new direction in life, Megan is questioning her decisions too. This job isn’t the one she wanted; it’s the one that paid the most. She doesn’t do a lot at work each day and there’s other goals she has for herself, should she be doing something else?
It’s nice to know while I’m worried about being more like her she’s going through the same questions. But I wish we wouldn’t question. She’s being awesome about me trying to find a way to write and act and at the same time I’m telling her to do whatever she wants whether that’s to keep making enough to pay her bills and shop or anything else. She’s doing the right thing, we both are. I can get to the point where I’m overly introspective but everyone questions what they’re doing, everyone has doubts about their lives. Ultimately, I’m grateful that I’ve finally figured out what I want to do. and I’m going to stop worrying about whether it’s “right” or “wrong” on some grand scale because it’s right for me.
Also, I’m grateful that I won two rounds of beerpong. As one of the world’s worst players, that was some accomplishment for my holiday season.
When I first started working, I remember my parents celebrating every job I found. We’d go out to dinner and toast my new work. Whether it was a job steaming clothes in the back of a tiny thrift store, working retail, or tending to a garden, they were happy with each new step. Then I got a few internships and that was like a promotion. Now, I’ve graduated college and I should be getting my first entry level position somewhere. However, I recently started working as a waitress. We haven’t celebrated this new job.
My parents and I both put money into my education and I’m thankful I received it. I think they were just at a place where they didn’t fully understand what’s going on. What’s going on is I’m changing directions. I’ve been interested in acting since I was little. I wrote all through college. I wasn’t sure I would be able to make a living at either of these professions. Recently I decided, I don’t care. I’m always going to want to write and act, they were always the dreams in the back of my mind. Trying to make this happen is ultimately more worth it than finding a “stable” job at a place I’m not interested in. I feel like celebrating this new job because it’s a start, everything in my life right now is. I’ve often been a shy and private person, but I’m starting to open up. My parents have now told me it’s okay for me to do whatever, because the key to being happy is doing what you’re passionate about, and that’s different for everyone. Seriously, my dad had this insight because he got a new job doing the kind of accounting he likes. I can’t even begin to explain it because I don’t understand a word of it but he’s been thrilled since he started because he loves the work.
There’s a lot of things I want to do. I’ve joined a writing group, am taking acting classes, and am starting to save money so I can move to LA. I also have other goals, I want to try new things and learn as much as I can. I have a lot of things to aspire to and I’m ready to get started.