I used to panic and obsessively go over my lines before each acting class. I was sure I was going to forget something even though I never did in any of the previous classes, or during the times I acted in high school. Maybe it was the added pressure of having to watch myself on screen or being in front of new people. In between scenes I’d go over my lines again and repeat them in my head during other’s scenes. That’s how I am about most things in life. I check over everything, and then I double check. And I check a ton more just for the fun, or not fun of it. A key piece of advice my acting teacher has been giving us that I’m starting to get the hang of is this: fuck it.
I realized last week that I wasn’t anxious about getting up and doing my scene. The lights, the ten people staring at me didn’t bother me. I didn’t have to spend the previous minutes working up my courage to get up there or giving myself pep talks. It was our turn, I went up there, I did it. Another thing he says is the uncomfortable become comfortable by doing the uncomfortable. And it’s working. The last class my partner and I improvised at least a page of dialogue after the scene because we just kept going until the teacher called cut. I hate improvising but I was able to do it easily and it was kind of awesome.
Now that I’m more comfortable I’ve found other areas to obsess over. I’m focused on how I do everything. I go up there and do the scene then I wonder is this a good enough connection to my partner, what am I showing on my face. And I watch it back and wonder do my eyes move too much, why didn’t I wear makeup this time, yes my voice really sounds like that. So this is the next piece of advice I have to master: fuck it. Again. Another guy in class used to get nerves so much that he would sweat through every scene he was in until he got comfortable. Now that he’s started sweating again he thinks it’s because he’s a perfectionist and he’s putting too much pressure on himself during each scene. I’m not sure of an un-cheesy way to say this but our teacher stresses the importance of believing in yourself. So many people in the business will give you notes and things to change about yourself and most of them won’t know what they’re talking about. So you have to know yourself and what you can do then do it and stop worrying. No one is perfect. And yes my voice really sounds like that. But a woman there called it unique instead of high pitched and thought I might want to look into voice over work too.
My current aspiration: Get a fucking headshot already