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Posts tagged ‘challenges’

Hello Again

Okay blog, we have to stop meeting like this. In my defense, there have been some big changes since I last updated. You know, there’s some blogs I read that are deeply personal and really open about what the writer is going through in their life. I admire those people because they largely share things I would never be comfortable with telling friends, let alone the internet. Though I guess it’s easier to tell strangers thing, as I posted about having ADHD on my blog before I ever mentioned it to most of the people in my life.

I’ve been trying to be more forthcoming with information about my life and maybe having this blog is helping that, but there’s still things I’m private about. Or maybe I’m just not ready to discuss everything yet. I’m not being intentionally vague to draw anyone in, I’m just taking a long time to get to my point, which is also unsatisfying and vague. I was supposed to be moving into an apartment with a friend at the end of the month. However, that is probably no longer going to happen. A mix of financial issues, health problems, more financial issues because of said health problems, and stupidity on my part means I’ll probably be heading to a small town with family.

There are many good things and bad things to this decision. I’ll be moving from friends and civilization, there’s no Chipotle in the new town, and my family is great but I was ready to live on my own. On the plus side the cost is less, I’ll be less stressed and more productive, and my family is pretty great and they have dogs.

What I will say is that I probably don’t have ADHD. Or maybe I do. As anyone who deals with any of these issues knows, one’s mental health can be confusing. There are many things like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and ADHD that blur together or occur together and in medical terminology; it’s a bitch to figure out. So while I am not moving, I am hopefully going to be figuring out more about my lovely and annoying mind and how it works, spending quality time with the pets, and living a hopefully amusing life in a town where I may be the only liberal and vegetarian.

 

Vincent van Gogh, The Starry Night. Oil on can...

Wasn’t going to use a picture, but WordPress suggested this. I may have problems but I will not cut off my ear.

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Volleyball… I’m Improving. Maybe?

Oops. Again. So that blog every other day thing hasn’t really worked out yet, but this is better than never? The day gets away from me pretty easy. I won’t let it happen again (yes, I will).

I mentioned earlier that I was playing in a volleyball league. Or well, I mentioned that I was a bad player in a volleyball league and that is still accurate. I haven’t been able to make it to a lot of the games until recently and last week’s got cancelled due to impending weather: a tornado warning. I guess I truly am a Kansas resident now because when I was a kid I used to pack up my belongings (dolls, a blanket, the cat) and start heading to the basement at tornado watches but now it doesn’t faze me. Granted, If I was living in the rural area my parents are moving to I would probably cry every time the wind blew particularly strongly,  but tornadoes don’t usually touch down in the city (knock on wood.) I was ready to head over and play until the second it got cancelled. The cancellation meant that my out of shape self had to play six games on Sunday instead of three.

Tornado warning

It was murder. I exercise the same way I write this blog: sporadically. I was not ready to play six back to back games against teams that contained largely big and powerful guys while all I had to drink was beer. This shows you how bad it was because I never complain about beer. I plan to blog about my recent trip to the Boulevard Brewery later but we got free samples of beer there. I didn’t like all of them, but I drank them all down. I may not be committed to much, but I like my alcohol. So that’s something, I guess. The rest of my team seemed more enthusiastic about the beer the whole time, but they were similarity fatigued. So we lost a lot, obviously. However, I did figure out some things I was good for during these six brutal matches.

A Participant: I showed up ten minutes late because I was heading to the court from a different location and I got lost, so the first game had already started. There were only five other girls there so they were thrilled to see me because I was another body and technically I could be helpful. It meant I played every minute of all the games but at least I was needed. One thing I am still not good at is directions.

Server: I have a decent, pretty reliable serve. I cannot serve overhand, I cannot put much power into it, but I can consistently make it over the net. This was obvious because of the two out of six games we won, I got half the points in one game. We actually looked really good during that game, another girl and I scored all the points. Unfortunately, our spectators showed up later when we lost 15-2. Hey, I just realized that if we won two out of six games that’s winning 1/3 of our games. It doesn’t sound so bad that way.

Volleyball defense

At no point did I look this cool and focused.

Comic Relief: I screech when fast serves come at me, instead of yelling that I have the ball I yell “I think I got it”, and sometimes I just call out “oh shit” instead. Plus, I dance around to the pop music blaring any time I get distracted. This can be bad because, yes, a ball did come flying at me when I wasn’t paying attention. But I actually hit it better than some of the ones I was prepared for.

Drinker of The Beer: Well, everyone can do this pretty well. Next time we play I will be Bringer of The Beer, which is probably more of an asset from the team’s point of view.

Oops

I feel so accomplished every time I post on my blog, but that feeling is usually short lived because before I know it I’ve gone weeks without writing here! I blame it on all the changes WordPress has made because I need an excuse. I’m sure the changes are fairly simple to comprehend but just because I come from a generation that is stereotypically supposed to understand technology and the internet doesn’t mean I do. When I move out of my families house (in a month!), it’s going to be me that’s calling my father asking how to turn on gadgets and fix the computer, not the other way around.

My original plan after slacking off was a well defined “post more often”. Then I got too ambitious and decided I should try to blog every day, as I’ve seen some bloggers do. This is my ideal goal because I think it’d be great to post everyday even if it was something small and I’d get to see what the people I’m subscribed to are up to every day. I’m going to be realistic and officially set a goal to blog every other day. This shouldn’t be too daunting so hopefully I’ll be able to manage it. See you Thursday!

Is blogging easy for you? If so, share your secrets with me. Please.

Fuck it

I used to panic and obsessively go over my lines before each acting class. I was sure I was going to forget something even though I never did in any of the previous classes, or during the times I acted in high school. Maybe it was the added pressure of having to watch myself on screen or being in front of new people. In between scenes I’d go over my lines again and repeat them in my head during other’s scenes. That’s how I am about most things in life. I check over everything, and then I double check. And I check a ton more just for the fun, or not fun of it.  A key piece of advice my acting teacher has been giving us that I’m starting to get the hang of is this: fuck it.

I realized last week that I wasn’t anxious about getting up and doing my scene. The lights, the ten people staring at me didn’t bother me. I didn’t have to spend the previous minutes working up my courage to get up there or giving myself pep talks. It was our turn, I went up there, I did it. Another thing he says is the uncomfortable become comfortable by doing the uncomfortable. And it’s working. The last class my partner and I improvised at least a page of dialogue after the scene because we just kept going until the teacher called cut.  I hate improvising but I was able to do it easily and it was kind of awesome.

Now that I’m more comfortable I’ve found other areas to obsess over. I’m focused on how I do everything. I go up there and do the scene then I wonder is this a good enough connection to my partner, what am I showing on my face. And I watch it back and wonder do my eyes move too much, why didn’t I wear makeup this time, yes my voice really sounds like that. So this is the next piece of advice I have to master: fuck it. Again. Another guy in class used to get nerves so much that he would sweat through every scene he was in until he got comfortable.  Now that he’s started sweating again he thinks it’s because he’s a perfectionist and he’s putting too much pressure on himself during each scene.  I’m not sure of an un-cheesy way to say this but our teacher stresses the importance of believing in yourself. So many people in the business will give you notes and things to change about yourself and most of them won’t know what they’re talking about. So you have to know yourself and what you can do then do it and stop worrying. No one is perfect. And yes my voice really sounds like that. But a woman there called it unique instead of high pitched and thought I might want to look into voice over work too.

My current aspiration: Get a fucking headshot already

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