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Fuck it

I used to panic and obsessively go over my lines before each acting class. I was sure I was going to forget something even though I never did in any of the previous classes, or during the times I acted in high school. Maybe it was the added pressure of having to watch myself on screen or being in front of new people. In between scenes I’d go over my lines again and repeat them in my head during other’s scenes. That’s how I am about most things in life. I check over everything, and then I double check. And I check a ton more just for the fun, or not fun of it.  A key piece of advice my acting teacher has been giving us that I’m starting to get the hang of is this: fuck it.

I realized last week that I wasn’t anxious about getting up and doing my scene. The lights, the ten people staring at me didn’t bother me. I didn’t have to spend the previous minutes working up my courage to get up there or giving myself pep talks. It was our turn, I went up there, I did it. Another thing he says is the uncomfortable become comfortable by doing the uncomfortable. And it’s working. The last class my partner and I improvised at least a page of dialogue after the scene because we just kept going until the teacher called cut.  I hate improvising but I was able to do it easily and it was kind of awesome.

Now that I’m more comfortable I’ve found other areas to obsess over. I’m focused on how I do everything. I go up there and do the scene then I wonder is this a good enough connection to my partner, what am I showing on my face. And I watch it back and wonder do my eyes move too much, why didn’t I wear makeup this time, yes my voice really sounds like that. So this is the next piece of advice I have to master: fuck it. Again. Another guy in class used to get nerves so much that he would sweat through every scene he was in until he got comfortable.  Now that he’s started sweating again he thinks it’s because he’s a perfectionist and he’s putting too much pressure on himself during each scene.  I’m not sure of an un-cheesy way to say this but our teacher stresses the importance of believing in yourself. So many people in the business will give you notes and things to change about yourself and most of them won’t know what they’re talking about. So you have to know yourself and what you can do then do it and stop worrying. No one is perfect. And yes my voice really sounds like that. But a woman there called it unique instead of high pitched and thought I might want to look into voice over work too.

My current aspiration: Get a fucking headshot already

Aside

Heard About Pluto?

She was described to me as the “breath taking girl in the red cardigan thing”, and she happened to be sitting at my table. I ended up spending my whole Friday night trying to get a server to talk to her. He liked her immediately but this guy who bursts into song, talks in funny accents, and chats with everyone is also afraid of girls.

Deciding to not be offended that I didn’t count as a girl, he then asked me to tell her she was cute so I did, why not? I pointed him out and figured he’d go talk to her later. He got all red and ran away when he tried. I rarely see someone as bad me at this stuff. I’m currently trying to figure out if I agreed to go on a date with someone or if we were joking around like I thought. We have a place picked out now, so that makes it more real. But, I doubt he would really eat vegetarian food, so maybe it is a joke. And somehow, I was giving advice.

Of course most of the advice amounted to: talk to her. We had several conversations about what he should say, from the very formal “Hello, may I please sit down?” to “heard about Pluto? That’s messed up right?” from Psych which was my personal favorite. Instead, we decided he could just write her a note on her receipt. Then he got scared so I wrote the note.

Things sort of went according to plan. I gave them the receipt, she took her copy even though no one ever does that. We briefly debated that she thought the note could be from me since his name is unisex, so he finally got the courage to go talk to her. His first attempt went wrong, he told her the note was just something funny his friends did so he had to go back over with a little speech we prepared where he said that she should in fact call him if she wants since she does have his number now. He went over there the third time under the context of trying to take their water glasses. It wasn’t the smoothest, but it worked.

I guess it’s nice to see that someone so outgoing can have problems talking to people too. Or maybe the lesson here is if I’m willing to spend my whole night trying to get him to overcome his fear of talking to a girl, imagine how I could improve my own life. Or maybe it’s just that restaurants can be boring sometimes and I had a lot of fun doing something unexpected for a night.

Today, I’m aspiring to: Learn about AFTRA. It’s a union actors can join that I’d never heard of. My acting teacher suggested that this might be a better option for some of us instead of SAG.

Obviously, Gus has the greatest line ever, but what else have you tried?

 

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